We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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