I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
