I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
