Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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