i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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