I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
