His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
