Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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