im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize