Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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