How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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