Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
