That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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