So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You made out with two different species that night
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
