Where did you get a picture of my penis
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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