she woke up with a sticky ear
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
