you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
