are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
