At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
