Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Mom said you looked used
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
