he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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