every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
