Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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