Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
