My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
