Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
