k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
