She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
