exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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