I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I FOUND THE LEGS
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
