Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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