never play flip cup with pint glasses
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I need a beard to bite.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
