apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
