Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
