At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize