Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
