he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
