I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
