I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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