I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
