Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
