What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
