my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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