i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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