Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize