So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
