Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
