Your tits are I can't wait for
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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