i think i scared a bird with my dick
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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