I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
