Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
