So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize