ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
