what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
