after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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