This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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