you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
