Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
