Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
