I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
