marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
