I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
