so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
