defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
