On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
