saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize