I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
