Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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