just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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