Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
