i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize