I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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