shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
