I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
